


Trust Goes Both Ways

by CamillaEmily



Series: The Blissful and Miserable Domestic Life of Jyn Erso and Cassian Andor [2]
Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Cassian helping Jyn, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, Rebelcaptain - Freeform, Saw is a little bitch, Sharing Clothes, how dare he touch my Jyn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2017-08-06
Packaged: 2018-12-12 01:42:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11726874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CamillaEmily/pseuds/CamillaEmily
Summary: "But she couldn't help but think of how maybe if she has succumbed to death, given in to the easier option and slowed down, how she would've been seen as a martyr, a symbol of hope across the galaxy, and now, even if rebels had still referred to her as this figure, alive, she couldn't help but feel death on that beach was the right path to take."





	Trust Goes Both Ways

Retreating into the cramped bunker, Jyn felt she didn't deserve it. She and Cassian had been the only survivors of the Rogue One mission.  She had been prepared to sacrifice her life for the cause she believed in, but now that she had been saved she only felt guilty, as if she hadn't acted so irrationally maybe her team would've survived. But that was Jyn: irrational, arrogant, bold, and definitely never one to show her true thoughts. But she couldn't help but think of how maybe if she has succumbed to death, given in to the easier option and slowed down, how she would've been seen as a martyr, a symbol of hope across the galaxy, and now, even if rebels had still referred to her as this figure, alive, she couldn't help but feel death on that beach was the right path to take. Jyn searched her mind to try to recall how her life was saved but after a blur of fast and motion-blurred memories, she was only welcomed with a harsh headache.

 

Walking slowly towards the bed, she hesitantly sat down on the firm mattress. Her hands met her face as she squeezed her eyes shut in attempt to relief the throbbing pain in her head. She finally decided maybe it was better to sleep it off, and on the mention of sleep, her body sagged in fatigue and a sleepy fog clouded her pulsing mind. Standing up to remove her belt and jacket, she realised how dirty her clothes were. Senator Mothma had promised her clean clothes later but all Jyn wanted to do was rip the sweaty and soiled material off her and wear something that felt fresh. Unfortunately, she had seen no sign of any thing similar to this in the room with only furniture being a bed with grey covers and a windowsill, now holding her belt. She thought of ways to retrieve some clean clothes and a possible thought struck her. It may have been a stupid idea but her pounding brain and lethargy, meant she didn't feel like using complex thought and followed the idea out of her door and towards Cassian's room. 

With quick and sharp knocking she only had a moment to reflect on what she was doing and then another moment to panic as she faced Cassian through his doorway. She shook off her vulnerable disposition and stood tall, as the overly-confident person she had grown to hide behind. 

"Jyn?" He asked, looking over her face for an inkling of emotion, "What's up?" 

"I just-" She paused to figure out what to say, and continued slowly, "Wanted to ask you for a favour." 

"What?" 

"Could I borrow some of your clothes?" She asked, hesitant, yet in her famous self-assured way. 

"My clothes?" He recited in surprise, "Why?" 

"I want to get out of my dirty ones and wear something cleaner to sleep in, but I don't have anything with me." She explained, sounding a lot more confident than her furiously beating heart revealed. 

"I- Yeah, I suppose that's... okay." Cassian decided, still a questioning edge to his words, but he knew that Jyn was the only person who shared his experiences, and if she was making and effort to start some-kind of trust, he would join her; no matter what her background or her always hard-edged tone would suggest, as he knew that she was trying. It also, definitely, had nothing to do with how much he found her distractingly attractive. He retreated back into his room, leaving the door ajar so Jyn caught a glimpse at his bed covered in pastel-blue covers, which contrasted greatly to her ashen ones next door. He reappeared before she could get a closer look and passed her a familiar-looking sandy long-sleeved shirt. "This was the only clean thing I could find." He admitted with a sheepish look. 

"Thanks." She gave him a small smile and left to her room. Cassian watched her sauntering form disappear in her room, an unmistakeable look of pining following her. 

Shutting the door behind her, Jyn entered the room and shrugged off all her clothes except her underwear. She shook out the shirt and held it out in front of her before bringing to her face and breathing in his scent. Her stomach fluttered. She pulled the material over her head where it fell to her mid thigh and the sleeves fell just over her hands so she pushed them up to her upper arms. She unravelled the low bun she had in her dark hair and shook the short strands out, ruffling them to disperse the tightness of her scalp. Feeling a lot more refreshed, she took a deep breath, already feeling her headache fade thanks to the looseness of her hair, and slipped into the bed. She curled up tightly in the small bed and closed her eyes, still breathing in Cassian's surprisingly comforting scent.

Next door, Cassian had thought against retiring to his worn out bed and decided to find his favourite book as to distract and rest him mind from busy thoughts and reclined into his bed. Every moment that he paused to think his thoughts were flooded with repeated scenes of the Rogue One mission, his team members deaths, his rescue which caused a surge of guilt at his remorse for his partners and the innocent opposition members whom he had killed. Cassian wasn't inexperienced when it came to taking lives, and the psychological effects he felt after any mission were similar each time, but this time it didn't seem the same. Cassian, now been rereading the same sentence over and over. as his thoughts once again wandered and interrogated himself for the reason he felt so ... damaged.

He found the reason in seconds, after letting his mind wander yet again from his search only to the person who had been entering his mind a lot lately; Jyn Erso. More specifically, the looks of terror he would catch across her face during and after the mission. It struck something in him when he thought about it. A sudden urge to protect, to comfort and to hold her flared in him. So when a sudden cry came from the room next to him, whom he deducted must have belonged to Jyn, he fell out of his bed, dazed for a moment at the sudden erupted mixture of circumstances. Another cry followed by a whimper woke him up as the urge flickered in him again. 

Speeding out his room he banged on Jyn's door feverishly, "JYN!? JYN!?"

The shouting faded and he heard a loud gasp and whimper. 

Jyn shot up out of bed with a loud gasp, a cold sweat layered across her body, making her shiver despite the warmth of the covers and shirt. Deep breathes racked her body as the scenes of Stormtroopers raiding her home, her mother's death, Saw's abandonment of her, and startlingly realistic memories of the Rogue One mission flashed across her eyes. The pictures faded like most of her dreams, slipping through her fingers like sand. A whimper escaped her lips as the aftershock of the night-terror passed and she was reminded that all the visions were real. 

Cassian thumped on the door again as he heard no other noise, fear spiking through him at all the possible conclusions of what was on the other side.

"Jyn?" He asked again, softer but with an edge of fear. He heard shuffling and the click of a lock. 

Jyn heard Cassian's voice from the door which snapped her out of her panic. She automatically gravitated towards his voice and got out of bed, the cold air hitting her bare legs. She clicked open the door to face the Rebellion Captain's concerned brown eyes and confusion swept across her face. 

"Cassian?" She inquired, pulling open the door to fully expose herself. 

Cassian's breath hitched as he took in her sleep-affected appearance. Her dark hair was no longer pulled back but fell messily to her shoulders, her bangs falling into her sleepy eyes and her teeth chewing at her bottom lip as her nerves were still not settled. But what Cassian noticed first was how his shirt flowed across her slim form. One shoulder has slipped to uncover her collar bone and the sleeves had been pushed up to her elbows while the end of the fabric just brushed her mid-thigh to expose her bare legs. 

She noticed him staring with his mouth slightly open and frowned. "Cassian?" She pressed firmer. 

He forcefully ripped his gaze away from quite possibly the most attractive sight he'd ever seen, to look up at her amused hazel eyes. His cheeks flushed as he realised he had been gawking and tried to stammer out a reply, "I heard you shout." 

"Shout?" She questioned, thinking back to her slumber as she leant against the door casually. 

"You were crying out and whimpering," He explained, focusing his gaze on her face, which didn't completely help as her hair looked so adorable messy and in her face, "I wanted to know if you were okay." 

_Okay,_ she thought. She didn't know the last time she felt 'okay'. At this point of her life Jyn didn't know if it was of habit or because she had the words so ingrained into her that she believed it was actually her own reaction, but she kept to the words Saw had taught her years ago:

_Always put on a brave face, Jyn, don't let anyone know how you truly feel..._

She forced a smile, "Yes, I-I'm fine." She cursed herself internally for stuttering and prayed he would only think of it as being sleepy. Cassian didn't hesitate as he immediately picked up her stammering and the way her smile didn't reach her eyes. Concern washed over his features. 

"Are you really sure?" He pushed, tentatively, frowning and reached to keep a hand on the door in case she would try to shut it. 

"Cassian! I'm sure!" She barked suddenly, hoping he would leave. 

_...Emotions are malleable; we can mould them, mask them..._

Cassian's face didn't falter as his eyebrows stayed knitted together and he leaned closer to her face, her appearance shoved to the back of his mind as he tried to pry out how she really felt. Her strong façade never slipped as her eyes stayed hard and her mouth in a tight line. 

"Jyn," He barely murmured the word out, his tone much softer than Jyn had heard out him. It struck something in her. Her eyelashes fluttered, but that was all the sign Cassian needed. He reached out to touch her hand, her rough skin sliding over his. "Jyn, you don't have to-" 

Her brain went into overdrive as she realised she had cracked and ripped her hand out of his, "Thanks Cassian, goodnight." She said quickly but harshly and proceeded to shut the door, surprising him before he could keep it open. She leant her back against the cool metal, tilted her head back to bump against it and let out a sigh. She waited for the sound of his retreating footsteps but instead heard and felt the bump of the ground outside her door. Kneeling down she pressed her ear against the door to figure out what he was doing.

Cassian couldn't even finish his sentence before he was bid a rough goodnight and had the door slammed in his face, "Hmm," He muttered. He was going to figure out that girl, but he had to earn her trust and to do so he knew he had to prove his. He settled down next to the door, staring at the dull slab of metal, imagining Jyn's eyes staring back at him. 

Jyn knelt down to face the door, staring straight into it as if trying to burn a hole through so she could see what he was doing; she was oblivious to the fact that if she would've succeeded their eyes would have met. 

They both sighed. This was going to be a long night. 

****

An hour passed as the two stayed still, staring at the door. Jyn had switched her position to something more comfortable, sitting back on her bum and cradling her knees to her chest. Cassian's form had stayed, his legs crossed and his hands interlocked and resting on his ankles so he was leant forwards. 

It had seemed to become a game. Who would talk first? Who would leave first? Or most simply, who would look away from the door first? 

Neither of them seemed close to backing down, but as the exhilaration from Cassian's encounter faded, the fatigue Jyn has been able to ignore had caught up with her. Her eyelids drooped and her head fell to lay on her shoulder. Cassian won the game as Jyn's eyes slipped close and she was taken into her memories once again.

Cassias remained still outside the door, oblivious to the fact that his opponent had fallen asleep, and continued to stare at the door, his thoughts whirring with ideas as to be able to break down her tough emotional walls. He knew trust was the only way to infiltrate her mind properly; to be able to show how much he cared about her. But how would he be able to become intimate with her as for her to become vulnerable enough to peek through the cracks? 

Cassian was so deep in thought that the sudden scream from the other side of the door, made him flinch harshly. His heartbeat thumped awkwardly although he didn't know if it was from the scare or from fear. He desperately leaned closer to press himself to the door as he scream had faded to irregular volumes whimpers; some small and vulnerable, others louder and painful. He had to get into her room. He tried twisted the door knob and to his delight the door swung open as he noted Jyn didn't lock it before. 

Scrambling into the room, he fell to his knees next to Jyn's still unconscious form. She was now laid on her back but was thrashing about, cries falling from her lips as her eyes were squeezed shut. Cassian flailed his hands slightly as for a moment he panicked for what the do. He decided to proceed through instinct and placed a gentle hand to her clammy cheek and the other on her shoulder. 

Shaking her slightly he quietly tried to wake her, "Jyn? Jyn, wake up!" 

Her hand flew out to grab his wrist on the hand on her shoulder. He paid no notice at the tight grip, "Come on Jyn, wake up!" 

Cassian flew back as she suddenly snapped up, breathing heavily, tears trailing down her face. For the second time that night she had been terrorised by her memories and she sobbed into her hands, unaware of Cassian. 

Cassian felt his heart break at the crumpled and crying form of Jyn. Loud sobs racked through her body as she mumbled incoherent words. He wanted nothing more than then to comfort her and reached out to touch her arm. 

Jyn felt something touch her and she recoiled to hit against the door. Her eyes were bloodshot and her hair was no longer the cute and poofy mess it was, but stringy and limp as it framed her tear stained and blotchy face. She stared back at Cassian. A strong emotion evident on his features but she couldn't place it. She quickly and frantically wiped her face and tried to fix her hair as if to act normal. 

"Jyn," Cassian said softly as he moved closer her. Unlike earlier, he could tell her whole attention was on him and he swallowed, "You don't have to pretend anymore." 

Those few words seemed to lift all worries off of the weak girls shoulders. From the moment Jyn had lost her parents 15 years ago, she had been pretending. Pretending to not care. Pretending she had no emotions. Pretending she... She had been playing a character, one scripted and directed by Saw; and when she was in her prime he had cast her out to live amongst the real people. She had tried so hard, so hard to keep her alive. But she wasn't Jyn Erso, the stone cold soldier, who rebelled because she was selfish or who killed because she was numb to the chaos she created. She was Jyn Erso, the small scared child who, in the hiding place she and her father built under some rocks, waited in the darkness; scared, cold and alone. 

And as Cassian looked at her, his hand once again coming to rest against her arm, the feeling so feather light as if she was made of ice; it cracked, and Jyn broke through the surface. The ice shattered. Her walls came tumbling down. The curtain lifted. 

_...hiding behind the corner means you live, but hiding behind emotions means you survive._

Jyn didn't want to hide anymore. 

She launched forward to wrap her arm tightly around Cassian. He fell back in surprise, but still held her firmly as she sobbed into his shoulder. Mumbling incoherently against his neck, he wondered what happened to her in the few seconds between his words and her sudden emotional waterfall. 

He ran his hand through her hair, the dark strands weaving into his fingers as he managed to receive firm grip to keep her against him. Her arms were squeezed tightly around his torso as heavy cries heaved through her body. The crying had begun to subside, her body's shaking fading to a slight tremor when she pushed gently against against him to lean back. Even when her face with blotchy and her hair was stuck her cheeks due to wetness of her face, she still looked just as beautiful to him, because she had a warm smile in her face. 

"Cassian," She whispered, her voice hoarse as she pressed her forehead against his, "Thank you." 

He was still a bit confused but still smiled widely, his cheeks warm at their close proximity. He leant back to place a kiss on her forehead, "I'm here for your Jyn." 

She nodded, and yawned lightly, making him chuckle but concern replaced it quickly, "Are you sure you want to go back to sleep."

She eyed him carefully before settling down beside him and rested her head against his shoulder as they both leaned against her door. He automatically wrapped an arm around her. After a moment she spoke gently, "I have a feeling I'll be just fine." 

Cassian looked down at as she shifted to bury her head into his collar bone and chest. He noticed with a smirk that she was still wearing his shirt, a feeling of protectiveness coming over him as she curled into him wearing his clothing.

"Why's that?" He questioned softly, wrapping his other arm around her and trailing it down her back in an attempt to soothe her. 

 "Because," She began and unwrapped the arm rubbing her back to link her pinky finger with his, "We're a team." 

He chuckled lightly, squeezing his finger around hers, "Yeah, we're a team." 

**Author's Note:**

> This was the first thing I wrote that was RebelCaptain just to let out all the angsty feelings after the film. Hope you like!


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